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In many parts of the world, especially South Asia, the practice of dowry has become deeply ingrained in marriage traditions. What once may have been a symbolic gesture has now turned into a social burden, often leading to financial pressure, abuse, and even violence. As times have changed, our understanding of relationships and responsibility must evolve too. Rather than upholding harmful customs, we should direct our energy toward what truly empowers the next generation: education. Instead of preparing a dowry, we should prepare our daughters to be independent, educated, and self-reliant. This is not just a personal belief; it is a principle rooted in fairness, ethics, and even religion.
The Dark Side of Dowry
Dowry traditionally involved the bride’s family offering money, property, or goods to the groom and his family, supposedly to help the newlyweds start their life. In some societies, it was voluntary and symbolic. However, over time, this custom has been twisted into something far more dangerous. It has become a demand—a price tag placed on the bride’s head. Families now feel compelled to give a dowry not as a gift, but as an expectation. This shift has led to countless problems: financial ruin, social injustice, and, tragically, the abuse of women.
In countries like India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, dowry has become so normalized that refusing to give it is seen as rebellious or shameful. Many parents worry that their daughters will not find suitable husbands if they cannot afford an impressive dowry. In some tragic cases, marriages are canceled or women are mistreated after marriage because the dowry was considered “inadequate.” This pressure affects not only poor families but also middle-class and even wealthy households. It’s a vicious cycle, passed down through generations, often disguised as tradition.
The Islamic Perspective on Dowry
Islam, a religion that champions justice and compassion, does not support dowry in the form it is practiced today. In Islamic teachings, it is not the bride’s family that gives to the groom; it is the groom who gives a gift, called mahr, directly to the bride. This is not meant to be a transaction but rather a sign of respect and commitment. The Quran clearly states, “And give the women (upon marriage) their (bridal) gifts graciously” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:4). The mahr belongs to the woman and cannot be taken by anyone—not her husband, not her in-laws.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) practiced this in his own life. When he married off his beloved daughter Syeda Fatimah S.A. to Hazrat Ali A.S., there was no dowry demanded from her family. The marriage was simple and respectful. In fact, it was Ali who gave a modest gift as mahr. The Prophet (PBUH) emphasized that the best marriages are those that are simple and easy, not those burdened by wealth and social display. This is the true Islamic model of marriage, based on love, respect, and mutual responsibility.
The Tragic Consequences of Dowry
Dowry, in contrast, has caused immeasurable suffering. Families go into debt trying to “marry off” their daughters. Parents feel ashamed if they cannot give enough. Young women are abused, harassed, or even killed because someone thought they “didn’t bring enough.” In the worst cases, newly married women are burned, poisoned, or driven to suicide—all because of greed disguised as tradition. These are not isolated incidents. They are recurring tragedies, rooted in a system that values possessions over people.
Dowry’s Mythical Benefits
Some might argue that dowry has benefits, that it helps a new couple financially, or that it’s a cultural gesture of support. But if something must be given, it should be voluntary and from the heart. The moment it becomes expected or demanded, it turns into a tool of oppression. The true value of a woman cannot and should not be measured in gold, cars, or cash. Her value lies in her character, her mind, and her contributions to the world.
Education: The True Gift for Our Daughters
And that brings us to the heart of the matter: what should we be giving our daughters instead of a dowry? The answer is clear: education.
Education is the most powerful gift a parent can give their child, especially their daughters. An educated woman is independent. She doesn’t need to rely on a husband, in-laws, or anyone else for her survival. She can work, make decisions, raise her children wisely, and contribute meaningfully to society. She has dignity, choice, and confidence. Education is not just about school degrees. It’s about life skills, financial literacy, critical thinking, and the ability to stand on one’s own feet. Sadly, in many societies, while parents will save for years to give a big dowry, they hesitate to invest in their daughter’s education. Girls are pulled out of school early, either to prepare for marriage or because they’re seen as a “waste” of resources. This mindset needs to change. A girl is not a burden; she is a blessing. And the best way to honor that blessing is by empowering her with knowledge.
The Islamic Encouragement of Education for Women
Islam fully supports the education of women. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim,” making no distinction between male and female. The early history of Islam is filled with educated women women teachers, scholars, businesswomen, and leaders. Syeda Fatimah S.A. and Syeda Khadijah S.A.—these women were not just wives and mothers; they were thinkers and contributors to their society. Why, then, do we deny our daughters the same opportunities today?
Time for Change: Say No to Dowry
It is time we, as individuals and communities, stood up and said, No more dowry. Let us not burden our daughters with expectations they were never meant to carry. Let us not place a price on their marriages. Let us teach our sons to marry for character, not for wealth. Let us raise children who value equality, respect, and compassion, not gold and status. If you are a parent, prepare your daughter for life, not just for marriage. Equip her with education, confidence, and faith. That is what will truly support her through the ups and downs of life. If you are a young man, reject dowry demands and stand for fairness. If you are part of a community, speak up against the pressure of tradition and advocate for change. Culture is not set in stone it evolves. And it should evolve toward justice.
We must break the silence, challenge the norms, and lead by example. A dowry-free marriage is not just possible—it is powerful. It sends a message that women are not to be bought or sold. That love and partnership are built on mutual respect, not financial exchange. That our daughters are strong, capable, and worthy, just as they are
Conclusion: Let Education Be Our Legacy
So let us repeat this message loudly and clearly: don’t give dowry, give education. Let that be your legacy. Let that be your stand against injustice. And let that be the light you pass on to the next generation.
Author Profile
- I'm Farhat Sakeena, a certified English language teacher and proofreader with a BS Hons in English Language and Literature from Govt College University Faisalabad. Holding a 120-hour TEFL certification from World TESOL Academy, I've honed my skills in teaching English online and providing high-quality proofreading services. As a dedicated freelancer, I help students and professionals improve their language skills and refine their writing.
